Colors (Phan)
by human-tomato
Summary: In which the only way to see colors is to see your soulmate
1. Chapter 1

When a person is born, the universe aligns their soul to match that of someone else. Out of eight billion people, those two are destined to be together. Destined to spend the rest of their days holding each other and wondering just how they had gotten so lucky as to find each other.

Lucky, because many, most, even, don't get past that first step: looking. They spend their days searching through the colorless world, _looking_ and _searching_ for the only person who could ever complete them. They roam around, as lost as a bird taken from its nest by a storm, waiting for that moment.

 _That moment_.

That moment when their world won't just be grey. That moment when they can see the colors so few have ever witnessed and turn to see the person who turned them on.

All it takes is a single glance. The smallest, quickest look is all you need to complete your destiny. And yet, it's the hardest things anyone has had or will ever have to do.

Even then, if you do reach the point where every hint of blue, every whisper of green is revealed, it can be taken away in a second. A day. A year.

The moment your soulmate takes their last breath, everything is undone. All the work, all the effort you went through to find the colors, to find _them_ , is suddenly for naught. No one knows why, but the world goes grey again.

Some say it's part of the curse (or the gift; it's all in how you see it, really). That just getting to experience the colors and the love for however long is too great a thing, so the world immediately starts to turn against you.

I never thought it was tied to anything. I just figured that, when you've lost your everything, even what once seemed to consume all your thoughts and time fades. Even something as precious as colors.

A lot of people, like my mom, don't make it for very long after their soulmate dies. Something inside them snaps and they lose the will to live. The whole week leading up to her death, my mom was moaning about an ache in her heart.

They said her heart wasn't receiving enough blood, but I think that it was just broken.

Two weeks later, I was the only one to attend her funeral. The only one still huddled over her grave, on a day when the sun was shining to brightly and the colorless flowers were swaying to peacefully.

That was the moment I knew, with a clear certainty, that I would meet my soulmate. I would fall in love, and I would see colors.

And I, Daniel James Howell, would never leave them.

 **Okay, important: from now on, Dan will be** normal **because that's how it started out, Phil will be** _ **italic**_ **because it's v aesthetic and makes me happy, and I will be bold because I wiLL nOt bE SiLeNcED**


	2. Chapter 2

_Today was my first day at a new school. Dad had gotten a job there as the janitor, which meant I received a scholarship. As though I wanted to leave my perfectly-fine-thank-you-very-much school for one filled with annoying prep kids._

 _He said I should be grateful. After all, most people would throw themselves at the opportunity to go here. Which I suppose makes sense; the art programs are renowned for producing a ton of famous writers and actors. Which makes it perfect for me. Plus, the food is supposedly top-notch. And the athletics are division one._

 _But I still hate it._

 _I push through the crowded hallway, eyes focused so fully on the ground that an outsider might've thought I was trying to count the number of skid marks that blackened the tile._

 _There were a lot, in case you were wondering._

 _Someone ran past me, sending my books flying. I swore and looked up at their retreating back, watching as they threw their arms around two other boys._

 _Muttering to myself, I knelt to pick up my books. As I did, something shifted. And not in a subtle way either, like when the cover to my leaky water bottle slowly loosens in my bag. In a way that sent my to the floor, eyes widening as I took in the scene around me._

 _The bright, beautiful,_ colorful _scene._


	3. Chapter 3

"You know, the whole point of having a designated driver is to have at least _one_ person who isn't completely smashed."

I closed my locker as softly as I could, the small backlash still enough to send another round of pounding through my head. "Shut up, Chris," I grumped, leaning against the row of lockers. "I already said I was sorry."

My best friend shook his head. "That's not the point, Dan. You stranded half of us at Pj's house, which, might I remind you, is in the middle of fucking _nowhere_. I'm pretty sure half of the cheerleaders are still bumbling their way through the forest as we speak. That," he poked my shoulder, "is not cool. In any universe."

"Yeah, well next time remind people not to put a drink in my hand every five seconds. And I'm sure Zoe's mom was perfectly happy to drive everyone home. It makes her feel useful. Now, if you would be so kind as to let me past, I'm going to go sleep this off in the library." I started down the hall, ignoring his protests.

I walked to the library with Pj and Felix, talking about the party. They, too, told me off for getting drunk, but didn't seem too annoyed by it. After all, no one had gotten hurt, so it's all fun and games, right?

The librarian didn't pay me any attention as I walked in. She was usually a bitch when it came to people sleeping off hangovers on the study tables (wonder why), but I knew she wouldn't bother the orphan kid. Wouldn't want to upset my already fragile state of mind, after all.

Setting up a few books around me, I took off my sunglasses (closing my eyes before I did so) and cradled my head in my arms.

The table was nowhere near as comfortable as my bed, but I was still asleep within a minute.


	4. Chapter 4

**dedicated to** **PaintCans_** **on wattpad because even though she hasn't read the last chapter of Butler (self promo) i still platonically love her. and will force her to read it.**

 _I've only been at the school for a week, but even I know that the library is a ghost town in the mornings, unless there's some sort of project due. That's why I like it, really; it's quiet, calm. The perfect place for reading. Which was why I was surprised to see someone else sitting at one of the tables, surrounded by walls of books._

 _My first thought was that he was a bookworm, like me, and maybe we could bond over that. After all, my only friend at the moment was a girl named Louise, and she was really more of a party girl herself. My second was that he was actually pretty cute, with pale skin and slightly curled hair that flopped over his eyes._

 _Then I realized that he was, in fact, sleeping. He had probably been to the party the night before (everyone had been, it seemed. Lou had sent me pictures chronicling the whole thing, despite my disinterest) and was using his free period to sleep over the vodka. The only person I had seen who looked like that in Louise's photos was named D-something. Daniel, maybe. He had been the driver for the event, but I suppose that plan had failed._

 _I was disappointed, really. Parties weren't my scene, and while I didn't have any problems with the occasional drink personally, anyone stupid enough to get that drunk on a Thursday was no one I was interested in befriending._

 _Though he really was quite good-looking._


	5. Chapter 5

_The day had been a groggy one. Probably still better than whatever Dan was experiencing, but slow and monotonous. I found it hard to concentrate on my lessons (who needs to know who discovered the Marianas Trench, anyways? It's already been done!) when my mind was so full of other thoughts. Things like who my soulmate was, what they looked like. Whether or not they were in my class right then. Or even sitting next to me. And also when lunch was; I had it near the very end of the day, which was hell. When I'm hungry, I don't pay attention very well._

 _Actually, I don't pay attention well in general._

 _All I wanted to do was relax, but it seemed that even something as simple as that would be impossible. Next door, music was already starting to play._

 _I tried to pay attention to my book, but slowly the crowds outside grew, to the point that they had to scream to talk to each other over the noise. Not, I supposed, that they cared. It was Friday night, and the city belonged to them._

Screw it _, I decided._ If they're going to be out there anyways, I may as well join them.

 _I throw my book onto my bed and look in the mirror, as I've been doing rather obsessively for the past week. It's just so different, seeing myself in color instead of just as another grey being. I still haven't identified just what the colors are, exactly, but I do know that my skin is almost the same as the snow, which is actually really, really light. My hair is darker than any shade I'd ever known, darker than anything, besides maybe the nights now. And my eyes...well, they're indescribable. There was never any shade to parallel the soft color they are._

 _I fix my hair quickly and jog down the stairs. If I don't head out now, I'll convince myself out of it. If I convince myself out of it, I'll regret it later._

 _Who knows, maybe my soulmate will be there._

 **.**

 **btw, when i say that they see things in grey, just imagine one shade of grey for just about everything, so no blacks or whites, just grey. get it? cool.**


	6. Chapter 6

I was only on my first drink when Louise tapped my shoulder.

Lou was one of those people who didn't have a very specific crowd. She bounced from place to place, still somehow managing to remain friendly to everyone. Which was why I wasn't surprised when she announced that she had someone new to introduce me to. She tended to do that; pick up strays, get a feel for what kind of person they were and deposit them in a new group of friends. Sort of like the high school version of the fairy godmother.

I followed her through the mess of human _gororoba_ that was the party. She led me to the back yard, where a few people were gathered to set off a round of fireworks. Nothing shabby, either-as the official first Friday of school, people would expect entertainment. And Pj was never one to disappoint.

Instinctively, I moved to claim a spot in the front row before the crowd got to big, but Louise pulled me away. I had forgotten she was even with me.

A boy, with hair cut in a fringe like mine, saw us together and stood. "Hey," he greeted, holding out a hand for me to shake. "I'm Phil."

My head filled with an odd sort of warmth for a moment. I blinked and it went away, leaving something very different in its place.

Colors.

All of them.

I was not drunk enough for this.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm Dan," I forced a smile, trying not to show just how badly I was freaking out on the inside.

Most people would ecstatic to be meeting their soulmate, especially at such a young age. Twenty was lucky. Thirty, normal. Sixteen? Unprecedented, surely. And, in a way, Dan was happy. If Phil really was my soulmate, it meant I didn't have to go searching for all eternity.

But I was still conflicted. I barely even knew the guy, and I was just supposed to suddenly fall in love with him? And what did this mean, knowing that we were soulmates? Were we supposed to get hitched here and now, or maybe just remain friends?

Phil's smile tightened a bit, and that was when I realized I was still holding onto his hand. I dropped it and muttered an apology.

Most importantly, _why was he not saying anything_?

"I-I need to go." I stammered, backing away.

The right thing to do would probably be to tell him, and see if he had gotten the colors too. The right thing to do would be to offer him a drink and watch the fireworks together. The wrong thing to do would be to walk away like some _freak_ and act like nothing had happened. Or, rather, that something had happened, but not something as monumental and extraordinary as what truly had.

I found myself stumbling into the woods, doing my best to avoid couples sneaking out for some privacy. Eventually I found myself treading on the path Pj and I had cleared years ago, and followed it up to the bald hill. The one that, for whatever reason, never had enough nourishment to so much as grow a single blade of grass.

I sat down on the grass, burying my face in my hands. I always had been what Chris called a "drama queen". Maybe I was just making too big a deal out of this. There was just something, I couldn't identify exactly what, about the idea of meeting my future...husband, partner, _whatever,_ that terrified the shit out of me.

The clouds cleared just in time for the fireworks show. I had never known it before, but all the flares were different colors. Not just shades, but colors, bright and dark and varied so prettily.

The real beauty, however, came after the smoke had cleared away and everyone had long since gone inside. It was the stars that kept me out there for another hour, sitting so still that it might've seemed that the dew was actually superglue. They beckoned to me, flashing and waving. I even saw a few comets flying across the sky, their long tails leaving scars across the sky. I never would've seen this if I hadn't freaked out and left, either. I'd be inside, probably playing some sort of stupid shot game.

I decided that I would have to talk to Phil, if only because he had brought me the stars.


	8. Chapter 8

**text received from: unknown number  
** 03:45

 **unknown**  
 _hi :)_

 **you**  
 _hello. who is this?_

 **unknown**  
 _dan, lou gave me your number._

 **you**  
 _oh, hi! i guess i'll change that contact then_

 **dandy**  
 _right, probably smart. that way you won't be freaked out next time i text you :p_

 **you**  
 _me, freaked out? i'm not the one who ran away at the party_

 **text sent at**  
03:48

 **you**  
 _sorry, wow, that was harsh_

 **dandy**  
 _no, no, you're right. i'm really sorry about that. i guess i just freaked out._

 **you**  
 _why, because of little old me?_

 **dandy**  
 _well...partially_

 **you**  
 _was there a ghost next to me that i didn't know about? i've been told I have a strong  
connection._

 **dandy**  
 _what? no, no. it's just that i saw colors_

 **text sent at  
** 03:51

 **you**  
 _soulmate trolling? really? louise told me you were chill, but i guess i was wrong_

 **dandy**  
 _no, i'm not, i swear!_

 **you**  
 _fine. describe what i look like then.  
_  
 **dandy**  
 _you're dark. but also light. hair and skin, i mean. your hair is like a really really deep  
shade, kind of like how the sky looked after the fireworks all exploded. i can't describe  
your skin exactly, but it's like when the sun hits your eyes really suddenly. just that  
pale light. and i have no way to describe your eyes. i can't. i don't know the colors._

 **text sent at**  
04:01

 **you**  
 _meet me in the library in the morning._

 **wattpad (cheeky spon - human_tomato) was NOT letting my format stuff and i cannot**


	9. Chapter 10

"You still live alone?" Phil looked around the house with wide eyes. It was nearly empty; my mom had sold half the house after Dad died and, to pay the bills and for food, I had sold basically everything after she did.

The only things that remained were a few photos, and untouched bottle of champagne my parents had been saving for a special occasion (and the only thing I had scavenged from Chris and Pj's liquor rampage), and all of my things. By now, just about everything was packed up in tightly sealed brown boxed. I'd be moving in with my aunt and uncle the next week, when they were finished decorating my new room.

I hadn't asked them to go through the trouble of doing so, of course. They were simply genuinely excited for me to move in. The two of them were happy because my aunt had never been able to get pregnant, rendering them sadly childless, and I was looking forward to living near all my friends. The one thing that had always made me different than Chris, Pj, and Felix was where I lived. All their houses were on the same cul de sac, whereas mine was over a mile and a hellish bike ride away.

There was really just one small bit that marked a grand difference between my parents and new guardians. Not only because of placement, or even their personalities. (That last one would definitely be more of a positive-I loved my mom and dad, but Aunt Blake spoiled me. Countless times had it been when I had crashed on her couch with a hangover.)

It was that they had never met their soulmates.

This, itself, wasn't shocking. Most didn't, and I considered myself lucky to have so much as laid eyes on Phil. The true strangeness lied in how they never even tried.

Blake and Woody had met in their last year of college. Though their worlds remained grey, they fell in love. So deeply and suddenly that, two months later, they were quickly engaged. Apparently, neither had ever looked back since.

I always wondered what that would be like. To love someone so much that you would give up your life, or at least the rest of it, for them. Not as a child or parent or friend, but as a partner.

Only now do I feel I'm starting to understand.

I wish I could explain the story swarming through my head to Phil, but there'd be more time for that later. In the moment, I simply said, "Yeah," and grabbed his hand, dragging him up the stairs.

We both collapsed on my bed, breathless from running. After a moment of laughter about how hopelessly out of shape the two of us were, Phil pulled the reason I had invited him over out of his backpack.

It was a book. Thin and tall, like the kind you would see in a child's arms. Titled, _Colors Of The World_.

We flipped through the pages, each identifying a color and item of its shade. Red, the color of Spongebob's tie. Green, like a cartoon fart. Purple, like when the day met the night. (Phil sang the last part.)

I frowned, looking at the page for brown and then up at the mirror. "Damn," I sighed, wrinkling my nose at my reflection. "My eyes are the color of mud."

"I think they're nice," Phil said defensively. "Like a well-made set of wooden drawers."

I smiled, tapping his nose lightly. "Ignoring the fact that you just called me a tree, yours are much nicer. An astounding shade of blue." I was pleased with myself for remembering the color's name without reference. "In fact, I think they're my new favorite color."

"Well," he looked down at the book, and wrote _Dan's eyes_ on the page, "Brown will always be mine."

 **wow i can't get through a chapter or book without kinkbait can i? also, the word count. these are becoming actual chapters in order to pass along the story. dear god this is not aesthetic.**


	10. Chapter 11

I finished making my bed and looked around my new room. It was bigger than my old one, making it seem emptier. Less cozy and full. It was a place that seemed to be there more for just plain sleeping, rather than one where I would hang out with Chris and play _Cards Against Humanity_ , or trade stories of awkward first kisses with Pj, or talk with Felix about his soulmate, Marzia.

The sudden change felt strange, especially since it was the same setup. The same white shelves, with the books lining up tallest to shortest. The same black-checkered blankets, with the covers underneath stacked in the exact same, meticulous order I had spent ten years perfecting and used ever since.

Maybe it was the aura of the house. When my parents where alive, where we lived had been a warm place. One that was comforting, with constant laughter and playful shouting between the rooms and floors. Once they both died it shifted, only an echo. I could still remember what it felt like, to hear my mom's light laughter mingle with my father's booming, but it was only that. A memory.

My aunt's house was a mix between the two. It didn't give off the air of a place that had once been full, but one that should've been. Would've been, if they had had their way.

It was very sad and lonely, a feeling I had no doubt they hoped I would change.

I was about to pull on my coat and head over to Pj's when I noticed the window. My aunt had apologized, warning my that the view was bad and asking if I would actually like a better one, because if so there's another bedroom on the other side of the house, but in truth it was just facing another house. It lined up perfectly with a window across the alley, which was open. Through it, I could see Phil.

I yelled and waved, but he was so intent on his book that he neither heard nor saw me. Looking around my room, I saw a small Totoro plushie.

Giving it a quick kiss for luck, I threw it through my window. It hit Phil on the head and he looked up. Grinning sheepishly, I waved.

He ran to his window, leaning on the desk in front of it. "Dan! What are you doing there? Don't tell me that Woody and Blake are your aunt and uncle!"

I laughed. "Yeah, they are. I can't believe you're right next door!" If we both reached out our arms, our fingers would've touched. "You know what this means, right?"

"That we're neighbors?"

"Well, yes," I agreed, catching Totoro as he threw it back over to me. "But also, I think it's time we had our first date."


	11. Chapter 9 (Re-upload)

Phil was sitting at the round table in the library, obviously not wanting to even give me a chance to pretend like I had missed him. He heard my footsteps (Of course he did. The floor was tile and the library was empty, as usual.) (Phil sure spent a lot of time alone. Alone or with Louise, at least. He never seemed to mind, though.) and turned, placing his book on the plastic surface. He always seemed to be carrying some sort of book. I could never tell if he read because he didn't have many friends or if he didn't have many friends because he read.

He motioned for me to sit and I did. Normally, I was a commanding person in just about any conversation. I decided what to talk about, when it started and when it ended. It was all apart of being popular. Still, I had a strong sense that this was Phil's time, and I was going to have to listen to him.

He studied me for a moment. "The first time I saw you," Phil said, shaking his head slightly, "you were at this table. Passed out and just about drowning in your own drool. Except that couldn't have been the first time, really. The first time would've been earlier in the week, when you ran into me."

So that had been the crash I heard. I hadn't meant to knock anyone over, of course; it was just the usual early-morning chaos. To be expected. And besides, I had needed to talk to Pj. We were in the late stages of planning The World's Most Dank Party Ever.

"You know what I thought that day?" He continued, after lending me a moment to thinking, "I thought that there was no way you could've been my soulmate. I had heard so many rumors about you; that you were the first one to start the trend of jumping off a cliff into the lake, which resulted in at least two people breaking their arms but also one of the "best summers ever", and I quote. That you had immediately been roped up into Pj's little group, and the four of you have been best friends and kings of the school since pre-k. I heard dozens of things like this, all of which basically singled you out to be a funny, if dimwitted, cool, kind guy. And then of course I learned about your mom-er, sorry about that, by the way," for the first time, Phil faulted, "and I figured out that you were, besides the dreamboat of the school, human. What does this show you?"

I leaned my chin on my palm, thinking for a moment. I came up blank, and when I told Phil so, the other boy sighed.

"Exactly. You're so out of my league that I'd be surprised if you knew my name before Louise introduced me to you."

"That's not true!" At this, I shot up. "Of course I knew your name!" I wasn't sure if I was even lying or not; his name, not to mention his eyes, had been on my mind constantly since the party. So much so that all the memories of him (generally when someone mentioned him in passing; otherwise, the colors would've come much sooner) were mingled with his name. "And besides, I know a lot more about you, too."

"Such as?"

"While, you love to read." I gestured towards his book. "At the party, you were holding a book about graveyards," I was surprised what small details were coming to me know, at a point when I usually would've been wordless from panic and pressure.

" _The Graveyard Book_ ," a slight smile worked its way onto his face. "Continue, if you can."

"You spend a lot of time in the library. I'm not sure if that's because you like to read, or if Lou just hasn't herded you to a crowd yet. You live near Pj and I'm assuming like anime, based on your t-shirt. And," I really couldn't guess much else, "and your eyes are really pretty. Kind of like a lighter shade of the sky."

"You just made that all up," Phil laughed. "So what does this all mean? You being my soulmate and all."

It was a valid question. Some people remained friends with their soulmates, finding that they weren't romantically compatible but great for making jokes with and just hanging out. Other ended up not liking their soulmate, in rare cases when they ended up being abusive or just cruel.

I shrugged, trying my best not to blush. Why did feelings have to be so difficult? "I guess it means that I'm suppose to love you. Not bothering with labels and sexuality, I think it's a very real possibility that I could."

The bell rang and we both stood, making a point not to look at each other as we both pretended to ready our already zipped bags. As I made to start out the door, Phil caught up with me. "Let me try something," he said, hesitantly taking my hand.

Maybe it was just basic human anatomy, but our finger laced together perfectly.


	12. Chapter 12

My aunt ran another frantic hand through my hair, trying (and failing) to force the curls down. I had been so focused on setting up the picnic that I had forgotten to straighten the messy brown mop.

It was worth it, though. The backyard looked beautiful-all strung up with red and green fairy lights I had found in the basement. I had moved lawn chairs and a few potted plants into the position of a badly made fortress, at the center of which sat a worn blanket.

Uncle Woody, who had asked me to just call him "Woody", came into the room. In his hands was a basket, which I knew to be holding an elegant dinner of PB&J. Making sure my aunt wasn't looking, he showed me what else was inside and winked. He had packed the special-occasion-champagne, which I supposed was fitting. Tonight would be my first date with Phil. Nothing, ever, would be quite so special.

I took the basket with a nervous thanks and stepped outside. Phil joined me a few minutes later, gawking at the brightly lit yard. "You really went all out," he said, sitting next to me on the blanket. "I feel like I'm really not contributing to this relationship whatsoever."

I sighed dramatically, "The weight of this relationship rests on me. Truly, this is how Atlas must have felt when he was carrying the world on his shoulders."

"I'll try harder next time."

"You better, you spork."

I unlatched the basket and pulled out the food. We each got to eat a single sandwich, and I poured the champagne into two red plastic cups.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I had to wonder if all first dates were so awkward, or if somehow we had been the ones to screw up such a perfectly fine tradition.

Phil didn't seem to like his drink. He took a few small sips to be polite before handing the cup back to me. I shrugged, pouring what was left in the glass into my own. "It's not for everyone, I suppose."

"Did your parents mind your drinking?" He asked, starting to roll the plastic wrap the sandwiches had come in into a small, compact ball.

I shrugged, watching his hands as the ball grew from clear to white. Phil was the only one, except for maybe Chris, who never tread around the subject of my family. It was a change I could definitely get used to. "They didn't like it, but as long as no one ended up pregnant or dead, they really didn't care. Why, do yours?"

"If that was the one thing that made them care, I'd be more than a little hurt." Phil smiled darkly and, seeming to think better of his earlier decision, grabbed the cup and took a swig. "That stuff really is bitter," he winced.

"I've had worse," I said passingly. "Are they really that bad?"

"Who? My parents? It depends what you consider bad. They don't beat me, but they never cared. All they did was sit me down in front of the tv, or hand my _Harry Potter._ The only time they ever seemed to want me to be around was when they had parties. Then I'd have to entertain their guests with my stupid poems or some shit." He sighed, forcing a smile up at me. "But today's not about them. So, tell me, Dan. Who's your favorite character from _Death Note_?"

"There's really no choice. L is the only goof one, really."

"What? But Light is so cool!" Phil smiled, setting his little plastic wrap ball into the basket.

They continued in the same fashion, arguing playfully about books, movies, anime, everything. Eventually, though, Phil began to yawn, curling up on the blanket. "Asuna is such a weaker character though!"

"No weaker than your sleep resistance." I grabbed his hands and pulled Phil up gently. "C'mon, let's get you home."

He leaned against me, "Can I just sleep on your couch? I know it's right next door, but I just don't want to go home right now. Don't want to ruin this with my parents. Or have my parents ruin this. Whatever."

I didn't argue. We stumbled to the door, Phil leaning on me for support. I turned off the fairy lights, which had been the only source of light. Now, it was so dark. There were no street lights on this cul de sac, the way I was used to. Still, we managed to make it back to the house, despite his tired state.

I led him to the couch, pulling the blanket to his chin, the way I remembered my mother tucking me in when I was a child. Before I could step away, he reached up and cupped a hand against the back of my head. Eyes still closed, he kissed me, a slight smile playing at his lips.

No matter how old we both got, or how many memories and kisses we shared, this would never get old.


	13. Chapter 13

From the moment Phil and I walked into school with our hands interlocked, a hurricane of people formed, with us at its center.

I was fairly used to this. After all, getting to Chris or I meant getting to Pj, and therefore a social path a social pass or the week. Hell, we might even give you a whole season if we feel especially generous.

Phil, though, was a different story. As a person who had probably only imagined so many humans focused on him, not to mention one who had probably panicked at the very thought, he looked like he was going to be sick with every new question.

"Are you two soulmates then?"

"What are colors like?"

"Does this mean you two are gay?"

"Dan, is this another hookup?"

I pulled Phil closer to me and waved my hand. The crowd hushed, each person eager to bring the gossip back to their group of friends. Keeping up a calm smile, I told them, "Phil and I are soulmates. Sexuality doesn't really matter to me, but we both agreed that we're probably bi. Or pan, either way. And, no," the arm I had around Phil pulled him a little closer, both to show the sincerity of my words and just because I wanted to, "this is not a hookup, and never has been."

Phil would probably think I was sharing a bit to much, but I knew it'd all be revealed eventually. The quicker people got their answers, the faster they'd calm down about it. When I told him this, he agreed, but still seemed to feel hesitant about it.

"Hey, it'll be fine," I promised him, given Phil a quick hug. "I gotta get to homeroom, but I'll see you in free period. And you're sitting with us at lunch today, alright? The guys'll love you, I swear."

"Alright, Dan," Phil smiled, still not fully convinced. While it was clear he loved his boyfriend, one could easily tell that Phil wished he could retreat back to the library and hide for the rest of high school. Or his life, if it were possible. "See you in a few."

The bell rang and I sprinted off, leaving Phil vulnerable to another round of freshman, all demanding to know what _blue_ was.

Felix sat down next to me, almost missing attendance. He clapped me on the back and gave a hushed whoop. "Congrats, man!" He whispered, pretending to be picking up his pencil as he spoke. Though the charade was overused and obvious, Mr. Greener thankfully ignored it. "I heard you got your soulmate. Is it love already?"

"Not sure," I admitted, barely holding back a laugh at Felix, who had been looking for the pencil for way too long to be convincing. "How'd you know with Marzia?"

He smiled in the way that only his soulmate could make him do, all moon-eyed and young."It was obvious, really. It didn't take as long and wasn't anywhere near as grand or huge as they put it off to be in the movies; it was just secure. Like I could show her all my sides, dark, light, whatever, and we'd both feel the same. There's a reason why people die without love. They know the bliss from watching their parents, and they just want it so badly that they waste away." He shook his head sadly. "It's awful. Still, if there's a question, a thought that you might be in love, there's really no question. You see?"

Our teacher cleared his throat, shooting us an unimpressed glare. Felix made a big show of picking up a badly chewed, broken pencil from the ground and saying, "Here it is!" to make the class laugh. Luckily, Greener was one of the cool ones.

"I think I do," I whispered to Felix, making sure that no one was looking. He nodded, and for the rest of homeroom we were perfectly quiet, listening to absolute silence.

Lunch was ten minutes in, and Phil still hadn't showed. It had reached the point where only a few awkward stragglers were still walking into the cafeteria, a situation I knew Phil would do anything to avoid. The embarrassment would be too much for him.

I was about to give up on him when I felt two arms wrap around my shoulders. "Sorry I'm late," Phil apologized, sitting next to me. "I forgot a lunch, and apparently everything in the vending machine costs a bazillion dollars."

"Oh, here," Pj pulled out the extra lunch we all took turns packing and handed it to Phil. "Chris always used to forget food, so we started bringing some for him. Then his grandmother moved in, so now we just call it The Lost Traveler's Collection. If anyone has any extra food they always know where to bring it."

"Sort of like a food drive," Chris added, "but with Fruit Roll-ups. And Gushers."

Phil opened the lunch box and pulled out an apple. It was heavily bruised, probably due to the fact that Pj used the bag ad a target for his version of darts. The game involved fruit instead of the regular projectiles, since darts had been banned from school property after we had all been suspended for throwing them at Freshmen. Still, he didn't seem to mind the wear on his food and munched it happily. "What happens if someone doesn't eat all this?" He asked.

"Believe me, someone always does," Felix said. "Anyways, Phil, Dan was telling me how much he _loved_ you during-"

"So, Phil," I interrupted, "apparently there's a science trip tomorrow to collect some specimen. You want to be my partner?"

"Isn't he already?" Chris joked.

Phil flung a pencil at him, smiling at Dan. "I'd love to."

 **ohhhh what will happen on the field trip? will dan die? will there be intense smut, turning this into a twisted m-preg? will i die? so many questions, all to be answered in the next chapter of colors™ **


	14. Chapter 14

I grabbed Phil's hand, rushing to pull him away from the group. Chris was staging a diversion so we could both sneak off, one that seemed to be very efficient. ("Oh, look!" He could be heard yelling, perhaps a bit dryly, "Is that a two-headed Canadian moose I see?")

We crashed through the mess of human limbs, only to replace them with those of the trees. Phil expressed worry that we would end up lost, but I promised him that I knew the area well. It wasn't a lie, either-not too far from the main path, where the school group was walking, was the hill near Pj's house.

The forest was dying, at this time of year, but in the most beautiful way. As we ran, we kicked up the brittle leaves with colors outmatched only by maybe those of a fire. The trees weren't yet grey and were still full of summer youth. They glowed in the sunlight, which streamed down in fractured rays through the leaves that still clung on.

I wasn't too much of an outdoor person, but now I couldn't remember why not. Maybe it was because I had never seen the forest in its full colors.

Or maybe I had just been traveling with the wrong people. I glanced over at Phil, who was clutching his small jar of fiddlehead ferns and birch bark against his chest. He almost looked as though he were protecting the specimen, like they were a precious metal, not just plants that could be found all around.

We stopped before the road. I could hear a car coming, but it sounded far enough away, so I motioned for Phil to follow me across. As the sound of the engine grew louder, I quickened my gait.

I was on the other side when I realized I had left Phil in the middle, hastily stuffing his collection, spilled, back into his jar.

"C'mon, you spork!" I cupped my hands over my mouth and yelled, "There's more in the forest, and besides, there's a car-!"

I heard a low hum. The car was maybe two hundred meters away, and Phil was frantic. He stopped picking everything up to stare at me, completely paralyzed.

Just over a hundred meters now.

The jar fell before I even lost my grip. I was just as scared as Phil; maybe there was enough time for him to move, but it didn't matter. Not when we were both frozen to our spots like Anna at the end of _Frozen_.

Seventy meters.

The glass barely missed my feet as I began to stumble towards Phil.

Fifty.

Why were cars so fast, and humans so slow?

I could hear the brakes begin to screech.

Twenty.

I pushed Phil to the side of the road, where he fell into the light gathering of mud from the previous night's rain.

Ten.

It was hard to move as I watched the car loom closer; I had fallen while pushing Phil, and now struggled to get up. I could hear multiple screams mingling; one voice sounded like Pj's, from over near Phil. One might've been Phil's, or the drivers. All I knew was that my own voice went unheard.

Five.

It was too late; I knew that before I even reached my feet. The car was so close now that I could see the driver's face.

Four.

His eyes were squeezed shut, and a bottle of beer was rolled to the front of his dashed.

Three.

If I survive this, I swear to god I'll never drink and drive again.

Two.

I could feel a rush of warm air overtake me, surrounding my body

One

just as the metal collided with my skin.

I remembered my conversation with Felix and wished I had gotten to take one last look at those beautiful blue eyes. Wished I had taken one last chance to see my favorite color, and kiss my favorite person.

Because by now, there was no question.


	15. Chapter 15

_I had spent so little time with Dan, yet I had figured_ Dan and Phil _would last for all our lives. Now, it seemed only Dan would know it through the end._


	16. Chapter 16

_**^just because**_

 _My head banged against the metal of the lockers as Pj pushed me against them. "I hope your little make-out session was worth it," he snarled, brown curls flopping into his eyes. "If not for you, Dan would be alive right now."_

 _"There's still hope," I argued weakly. My whole body throbbed painfully from the impact. "It's only been a few days."_

 _"And every hour that passes means less of a chance that he'll ever wake." Pain flashed across his face. "Don't you see, Phil? You're poison. Poison that looks like fucking pills. People trust you-I trusted you; Dan just about loved you-and all you do is hurt them."_

 _He dropped my wrists and I fell, not sure if I even wanted get up. Everything hurt-my head, my arms, my heart. I missed Dan terribly. If only he were here; he'd make this right._

 _Somewhere outside of my mental fog, Pj was still yelling. People were forming a circle around us, watching in bewilderment as the one of the kindest, funniest people in school lost his head at the nobody laying on the ground while tears streamed down both of their faces and Felix tried desperately to pull his friend away._

 _But I comprehended none of this. The metal of the lockers transformed into a red car, and Pj's shouting turned into the screech of tires against the pavement._

 _That moment, over and over. Dan looking forward, resigned as the car zoomed closer and closer...and then a puddle of blood growing around him as another crash sounded just down the road._

 _Someone was shaking my shoulders. I opened my eyes to the otherwise empty hall. Chris leaned over me, a bruise blooming on his cheek."Oh, thank god," he muttered, leaning back on his hands. "I thought Pj had killed you. He got to me, too."_

 _That explained the bruise. I had figured Chris wouldn't come through this unscathed; after all, he had been the one to help us sneak away. It was as much his fault as it was mine._

 _"Are you okay, Phil?" He asked, frowning. "You look sick."_

 _I_ felt _sick. My stomach churned, my throat constricted._

 _It took me a moment to realize what was happening. When I did, it took all my willpower not to scream._

 _"I can't see colors," was all I managed to say before I collapsed._

 **this chapter is very dry and i apologize profusely**


	17. Chapter 17

_"There was one small scare during surgery when Daniel's heart stopped...Recovering nicely, really...Beyond the obvious, no further problems should..."_

 _The bright lights above my head blurred. I blinked, and slowly everything began to move into focus. Details of my surroundings began to rush to me, as happens when one is in a new environment._

 _It was warm, a little too much so for me to be comfortable. Made slightly better by the fact that I was wearing only a cotton gown. The smell of the place was fruity, but with a bitter ting like the fruit was only a perfume, to cover up whatever smell was beneath. I had to guess that I was in some sort of hospital._

 _The room I was in was devoid of other people, so I assumed the voices I had heard had been in passing. Since my town was small, with only one hospital, I assumed that "Daniel" was Dan. If this were true, it would explain the last detail to come to me: The colors had returned._

 _Not having a beating heart meant death, generally speaking. This could explain why the colors had gone, and if it had happened during surgery, their return. Dan was still alive, presumably somewhere in this building._

 _The real question was, where?_

 _Pushing back the blankets, I stepped from my bed. Night had fallen outside, but thankfully the lights in the hallway were still on._

 _Before I could even venture out, two men turned the corner. One, in full scrubs, seemed to be showing the other (dressed in a suit and holding a clipboard) around the building. "Don't get many cases here," he was saying, "But crashes are big things. They can ruin a life. Mr. Howell, he's the one we saw in room three back there, he may never..."_

 _They passed, voices fading._

 _I jogged down the hall, trying not to feel self-conscious in my flimsy outfit. Room three was only a few halls down, but the journey still included multiple encounters that made my pulse beat even faster. I didn't know what would happen if anyone caught me out in that hall, but I wasn't willing to take the risk._

 _Dan's room had only a single bed, a thin mattress set on a silver frame. It was walled in by beeping machines, showing different numbers and words that held no meaning to me. The only thing I cared about in the room was Dan, and as soon as I set my eyes on him everything else just faded into the background._

 _His eyes glowed with mirth at me, in my blue gown that was only loosely tied in the back. "So you came. Pj stopped by a few hours ago; he explained what happened. He was pretty upset about the whole thing. He's usually a chill guy."_

 _"Yeah, I understand." I sat down in the plastic chair that someone had left beside his bed. "I'm not mad. To be completely honest, I was about to blow my top by then too. I'm glad he did it first, that way I don't have to apologize to anyone."_

 _He snorted. "Please. All you would be able to do is give them a small bruise. Then you'd freak out over doing just that."_

 _"Not true," I complained lightly. "I'm a tough guy, honestly!"_

 _"I'm pretty sure nothing could drive you to violence. Even in the apocalypse, you'd probably say sorry after you killed a zombie."_

 _"They're people too!" I squeezed his hand, "I really missed you Dan. It may have only been a week, but it felt like a lifetime. Not knowing whether or not you would even wake up-" My voice cracked. I cleared my throat and forced a smile. "But you're okay, and that's all that matters now. And from now on, I'm going to make sure you never so much as stub your toe again. Which means no more science. Or roads." Dan chuckled, and I kissed him. "You'll just stay inside, safe, where I know I'll never lose you again."_

 _"Jeez, Phil," he laughed again, a sound I had been terrified I'd never hear again, "I love you, too."_


End file.
